That is correct, you undoubtedly can get a new iphone and make your girlfriend hate you in a single easy step. Here's how you do it...
There is a saying in which change is an inevitable element of life (in addition to In N Out Burger) so the best way we can acknowledge change is always to embrace it.
For that reason it’s with a wistful heart that I say goodbye to my iPhone.
My iPhone 2G!!
Yes, it’s true. Following nearly three years the phone finally died on me following the 12th drop. Saturday night in the parking area at Carlees Bar in Borrego Springs, California (quick plug so I can get that beer comped which I neglected to pay for). I inadvertendly drop kicked it into the Lexus sport utility vehicle next to me (sorry) and after that it landed on the 30-year old asphalt. You understand, the type of asphalt Godzilla might use to file his claws.
Ouch.
No biggie I figured. It has been bulletproof. I’ve dropped it quite a few times before that…and even straight down a flight of stairs…
Well on this occasion http://kennethholland.com (ME!) was not so lucky.
I picked up my phone, walked into the restaurant, ordered that (totally free?) beer and began texting and Twittering just like I always do (not to mention I didn’t see any cute women to deflect my usual brief attention span).
All was well and then it happened: My iPhone began acting funky…display going blank and after that coming back on and dropping signal.
Oh no.
You know, the type of ‘oh no’ you mutter in that quiet, halted tone essentially to yourself when you know you’ve really blown it. The ‘cold shot up your back sensation.
“C’mon….no. Damn. Turn back on. No no no no…..”
Then my iphone came back on.
Alright…great…that was close! Then it produced a weird buzzing noise, and then started to heat up…quickly.
Then it shut down.
It was after that that I realized I'd finally broke my iphone. In my rush in the damn parking lot to primp and preen prior to going in to the bar (which usually for any man consists of cleaning his nasal area of unknown ‘objects’ and
putting breath mints in his pocket) I fumbled my cell phone into permanent oblivion.
Obviously, while I know how to set up a blog, I don't know how to hold on to my iphone .
A sad moment to be certain. However it was Saturday night and I wasn’t gonna let this misfortune wreck my evening. And also I had the ideal excuse to obtain the new iPhone 4!
See? Excellent! It all works out in the long run.
Next it hit me…
I don’t have a phone.
I can’t make a phone call.
I can’t send out a text message.
I can’t check email.
I can’t update my Twitter.
I can’t post on Facebook.
Disaster.
What can I do NOW???
I had to get myself together and fast. I had a ‘date’ of sorts so I needed to forget about this horrid misfortune and get my mind back in the game. Knowing that (the majority of?) females hate us men that really like our devices I needed to get my ‘I don’t need a cell phone because I’m here with you baby’ game face on and fast.
Yeah right.
I survived roughly 35 minutes with her. The drops of perspiration started to form on my brow and my hands started to twitch. “Where’s the phone man?” my hands were asking me. The dialogue was swimming in my head…”It’s in the car. We don’t need the iphone right now.”
“B . S .!!” I could hear my hands holler at me.
“Is there a problem?”
My date. I looked up. Puzzled. “Was she talking to me?”, I asked myself.
‘You appear pale Ken,’ she stated flatly. It’s almost as though she knew the words that were going to spill out from my mouth next.
Frickin’ females are so damn intuitive.
I attempted to fake it…
“I’m a tad bummed. I dropped and broke my iPhone”, I said in a measured tone. “I needed to make a pretty important phone call and I’m a bit angry at myself. But…you know, I’ll just have to purchase a new iphone when I go back home. It was time for a new one regardless.”
“Okay! I did it!” I told myself. I made it seem like it’s not much of a issue and now we might have a fun evening with each other.
Then she baited me. And that was it.
“Well good!! You’re on that cell phone always, sometimes I wonder if you remember that I’m actually here…you and that ‘Social dating’ fantasy-land stuff!” she barked.
I could not contain myself.
“Facebook is not for dating!”, I blurted. “And neither is Twitter. And they will be the new email…you know…how people will communicate…it’s the way everyone will hook up to each other…it’s social media…it’s…it’s…damn! I need my iphone…let me try my cell phone again…I need to check my Gmail! Perhaps it’ll work this time around!!!!”
My words quivered in equal parts frustration and indignation. After all, MY phone was busted! That should trump any plans until this disaster is fixed.
Right?
“Freak”, she muttered to me while shaking her head. She nearly looked like she felt sorry for my situation and wanted to hug me…but that had been my man-ego thinking.
“Where are you going?”, I asked. I knew damn well exactly where she was heading. Anywhere where I, Twitter and Facebook wasn’t.
“Good luck with that search honey”, I said to myself while at the same time recognizing that I had no iPhone, and also no date.
So off I went back to Carlees to grab a beer and pay Tony the bartender for the one I don’t believe I’m comped on.
I’m sure I would know somebody there with at least a Blackberry I could borrow.
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